Making Bedtime Better

As parents, we all at times struggle with bedtime. Sometimes this can become a persistent concern. Whether you are struggling to get your child to go to their bed, sleep in their own bed, stay in their own bed, sleep in their own room, or just go to sleep. Here are some strategies can help make this time a better experience for your family. 

Creating a time where you are relaxed enough to follow through with a bed-time routine can be a starting point to easing those bedtime blues. Set a goal to use one bedtime strategy per night or week or even month if that is what you can devote. Depending on the number of challenges you face at bedtime, develop a reasonable amount of time where you can set aside all of your other tasks and just focus on bedtime. You may have to devote an hour to a bedtime routine in the beginning or more, however, as you consistently follow the routine, the time you devote will become less and less. The overall goal would be to pajama up, brush teeth and wash up, and go up to bed and say goodnight, and be able to peacefully exit to your own evening tasks or bedtime. Starting at 7pm-8pm initially in order to have time to work the routine is ideal. 

Once you have come up with a 3-4 step routine to follow you can teach the routine first and explain the routine to older children. Make the routine fun.  Some ideas are turning on some toothbrushing tunes, doing the routine to your own silly song, and using a timer. Timers can be especially useful when it is time to remove some of the day’s activities such as tablets, toys, or television. Imagine if you were engrossed in a book and someone grabbed it out of your hands and said, “go to bed”, eek. So, if transitioning to the routine is difficult, consider setting a timer and giving a warning. Tell your child “I am setting a timer for 10 minutes, when the timer goes off it will be time to turn in your tablet” and then as the time counts down give a reminder “5 minutes”, “one minute”, and “10 seconds”. Always praise compliance with successful turnover of devices. If you have more than one child, you can use pivot praise to encourage the other children to follow along. Praise the child who is cooperating and make it obvious to the other children that you are happy with what sibling has done. 

When it is difficulty that occurs with getting into bed and staying there, it can turn into a long night for parents. There may be redirections and eventually offering to allow the child to sleep with you or you may sleep in their bed until they fall asleep. Sleeping may be difficult with an extra child in your bed, and it may take a toll on your relationship with your spouse. In these cases, you may need to choose a starting point for beginning a sleep training process. Initially, you may just set up the environment. Make the bedroom comfortable and inviting. Some children need nightlights or cozy blankets. A favorite stuffed animal or wearing a parent’s t-shirt may help. You can use a fading process where initially you are sleeping in your child’s room right next to them. You may slowly transition to a bed on side of theirs and move yourself closer to the door until you successfully are putting your child to bed and they stay independently. You do not have to stay in the room for the night if that is not suitable. In this instance you would feign sleep and if the child rustles and is not falling asleep do not attend, but maybe sigh or deep breathe to show that you are still there, continue to “sleep”. Once the child is asleep you can go back to your own bed. Hopefully the onset of sleep time will shorten as your child adjusts to their own bed and waking in their own bed. Considerations for sleeping arrangement with regard to staying in or out of the room would be a toddler who escapes to other areas of the home that are a danger, climbing from the crib, these types of scenarios should be assessed and additional safety concerns should be addressed with a BCBA or pediatrician. 

If your child goes to bed but comes out several times during the night, you may want to implement a “one time pass” where a child can use this to come out for milk, water, or potty, and that is the limit. Initially you may need to start with 2-3 passes and then slowly fade to one pass. 

In addition to all of the above strategies, reinforcement and rewards can incentivize children to be successful with sleep. Introduce rewards for following the routine, for cooperating, for getting in bed. You may want to use some contingent rewards that are delayed for older children. An example would be to reward them with tech time after school for following the bedtime schedule. Other reward ideas may be special book time in bed once the routine is followed, with none other than the famous reader “Mom” or “Dad”. You could use a weekly token or points chart where your child earns a reward at the end of the week for a good sleep week. Good old praise should be used for all positive behaviors during the sleep routine and in the morning for successful sleep in addition to any other rewards or incentives given.

Sleep is an important skill for all of us. Healthy sleep helps us stay alert the next day and gives us time to wind down. In the end children will benefit from the extra work to implement a healthy and successful sleep routine. If it takes a week or two to get the sleep routine going that is ok, because once your child is successfully sleeping in their own bed, you will have time to enjoy your evening activities and engage in your own healthy sleep routine. Here’s to sleeping!

Article Written By:

Carla J Anderson, MS, BCBA, LBA

BCBA Clinician at Adbance Behavioral Health